A Student’s Struggle With Abandonment

arrasmith

Junior Rebekah Spires enjoying a nice conversation with her mother, Debbie Spires, while sitting together on the couch. This is what happens usually after Spires gets home from school. Photo Credit / Sydnee Arrasmith

Losing loved ones is a very hard thing. Many people fear losing those that they’re close to. Whether it is a result of death or the end of a relationship, the pain of losing a person we hold close to our hearts feels like an unending emptiness.

Junior Rebekah Spires understands how this feels.

Spires constantly deals with depression and anxiety. Every day Spires feels upset but she does her best to ignore it by talking to friends. Usually it’s the memories of Spires’ past or her father that trigger her tears. Sometimes she just wants to be invisible. When Spires looks in the mirror, she sees herself as an emotional wreck.

Depression is like a sinkhole. One minute you’re standing on the firm ground, and the next minute you’re falling into a pit of darkness. Depression is crying over something simple, like dropping glass on the ground and breaking it, but not crying when something drastic happens, such as a family member passing away, according to The Mighty.  

“I feel like everyone leaves me. My friends, Sydnee, Kensley, Kait, Jadon and my mom are the only things that hold me together,” said Spires.

Fear of abandonment is usually rooted in childhood loss, the death of a parent or a divorce. These experiences can create fear and anxiety of being left or forgotten by those significant in a person’s adult life, according to GoodTherapy, a website dedicated to helping people find therapists or other therapy resources.

After the mental and physical abuse towards Spires and her mother by Spires’ father, they were forced to stay in many domestic violence shelters for 7-8 years. Wanting Spires to have her father in her life, her mother stayed with him, hoping that he would change.

After coming back from fighting overseas in Afghanistan, Spires’ father went right back to his old ways.

“He was extremely abusive mentally and verbally, and eventually physically towards me again,” said Debbie Spires, Rebekah’s mother.

Spires’ father moved to Georgia after years of traumatic abuse to his wife and young daughter, and he has not seen Spires in 5 months.  

According to an article on Divorce Statistics, some long-term emotional problems that children suffer from due to divorce or separated parents are fears of betrayal, abandonment, loss and rejection.

With Spires’ parents being separated and not having much contact with her father, Spires depends on her mother greatly. Spires’ mother is always worrying about her.

“I am close with Bekah, she is the youngest of all my children, she still lives with me,” Spires’ mother said in regards to her relationship with her daughter.

Spires’ mother said it upsets her very much when her daughter is upset. It is hard to help Spires now that she’s older and she is not willing to let her mother know what bothers her on a daily basis.

It may seem like all your parents do is nag you about your behavior, but they actually feel frustrated because they don’t understand why you feel the way you do and how to help.

“Parents hate to see their kids hurting,” said HelpGuide.

Sometimes it’s just small things like dirty looks or rude people that set Spires’ anxieties off. Being around a lot of people, loud noises or fighting really set off Spires as well.

The Mighty says, “anxiety is worrying too much about things we have no control over.”

Anxiety can be seen as a river, it never stops flowing. Sometimes, there comes a time when anxiety is out of your control and you end up feeling too much, but it can also dry out. At that point we feel nothing at all, according to Anna Buckley, writer on The Mighty.

Spires says, “it can get hard to get through the days,” but with the support from her friends, boyfriend and her mother, she does the best she can.

It is important to surround yourself with friends who are upbeat and understanding. If you are feeling down and not yourself, it will feel nice to have someone who cares for you and wants to find ways to help make you feel better. Support of close friends and family is good motivation, they get you talking and keep you functioning in daily life activities, says Helpguide.

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