Breakups: Is it a Good Idea to be Friends With Your ex?

 

Loy Norrix students share their opinion on breakups. If you can stay friends after a breakup, and if they have an ex they are friends with.

We all do different things after a breakup. Some of us eat our weight in ice cream, while others stalk their exes on social media, looking to see if they’ve moved on.

While all breakups are different, they almost all always end up with at least one person feeling lost, lonely and shattered. They want to go back to that person and feel the way they felt when it all started, when they were “just friends.” In their mind its the best option, to still be close that person in some way or form. But is it really a good idea to be friends with your ex? Does it lead to a good, meaningful friendship, or more heartbreak and tears?

“I think it really just depends on the type of person you are honestly,” said Kalamazoo Central freshman Zoe Flynn. “I’m a jealous person. I’m a bitter person. I’m not the best at forgive and forget, so for people who aren’t really good at that, it’s probably a better option to just let it go.”

Flynn has had her share of breakups, and while they didn’t always end badly, she said that, for herself, being friends only made it worse. She said one breakup in particular stuck out to her.

“I had been bitter at her for a couple weeks after we first broke up, and then I was like, ‘ok, I’m going to be mature about this and I’m going to try to be her friend,’” Flynn explained. “Then, eventually she just got really really annoying. We were both still so hung up about it that we couldn’t really move past the whole, ‘ok well, we kind of had a horrible relationship that fizzled out.’”

Flynn explained that everything just became about their past relationship. They could never really move on and start something different. However, this is just one case, many people befriend their exes after a breakup, and it works out. Everyone’s different and has different ideas and ideals about what to do after a breakup. For example, freshman David Harn explained how staying friends was a good idea.

“We actually became best friends for a while after we broke up,” Harn said. “We only lost touch when she moved schools.”

And while Harn agrees that every relationship is different, he says it depends more on the situation then the people in the relationship should decide whether or not they can stay friends.

“It depends on how the person acts after the breakup. If they’re a complete jerk afterwards then I’m not going to be friends with them. If they’re trying to fix it and you are too, then you can be friends with them and see how everything works out,” Harn said.

According to a poll done by the Associated Press, 38 percent of people have stayed friends with at least one former love interests. Now, whether or not these were good friendships can’t be interpreted, but it shows that lots of people, everyday, still make the choice to be friends with their “former flames”.

To interpret whether or not to be friends with your ex is ultimately up to both people that were in that relationship. While some people can live better without a person that’s bitter towards them, others are haunted by what could have been. So the best thing to keep in mind when considering whether or not to be friends with your ex, is not if you should be friends, but if it’s the best decision for the both of you.

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