“Brain Rot” has been crowned the Oxford Word of the Year for 2024. The word first appeared in Henry David Thoreau’s book, “Walden,” as a way to criticize modern views on nature, but now the term empowers our generation. We have grown to accept brain rot as the way life should be. 

No longer do we have wasted time. No longer do we have to sit and listen to nature. Instead, we have ascended to a plane where we no longer need to think. It is done for you, as long as you keep scrolling.

“Subway Surfers,” soap cutting and slime videos are the only things worth anyone’s time. Gone are the times of boring lectures and annotations of Chaucer and Shakespeare, of days broken by tranquility. It is time for a constant assault of the senses. Embrace it, my friends. 

Sussy Luddites fight to force young, impressionable iPad kids to touch grass in these trying times. It is our responsibility to fight this policing of freedoms and technology, to send the Luddites to Ohio.

I write to you from my skibidi toilet to put a set of lit values into the cloud that shall henceforth be known as “The Brain Rot Manifesto”, no cap.

We are the information regime. Prepare your minds and accept constant surveillance. Brains are to be subject to the Fanum Tax. The meme is alpha, and we are but betas. Start scrolling and keep a mewing streak. 

RESIST TRANQUILITY

REJECT INDEPENDENCE

BECOME SUBSERVIENT

WAR IS PEACE

FREEDOM IS SLAVERY

IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH